So Long and Goodnight
by ChibiFrubaGirl
Summary: [Riku] [song!fic: Helena] .time to go. The road to freedom was a hard one. [Happy Birthday Jediempress] No pairings.


_**./So Long and Goodnight…**_

**Pre-Author's Note:** Yeah. I just HAD to throw this together really quickly 'kay? So no complaining about me writing this instead of updating alright? Anyways, this is a birthday present to Jediempress.

Why?

1: It's her birthday (duh).

2: She's a good writer and updates very frequently.

3: "Hearts and Scars". "Mitternacht". Enough said.

4: She's been complaining about not having written enough angst lately. So… I gave her an angsty!songfic as a present. :P

**Disclaimer:** Pish… Legal rights… What good are they anyway? All they allow you to do is make money off of controlling the outcome of games and stuff…

-**:Long ago**

**Just like the hearse ****you**** die to get in again:**-

There was a time when Riku was willing to give himself up, just to leave the Islands. Sometimes people would wonder why he hated it there **so much**. But whenever they asked Riku he would respond like so:

"We live on _Destiny Islands,_" he would state, "_Destiny _means fate. _Destiny_ is what's going to happen to you. It means 'lack of freedom'. You can't change _Destiny_. So… I think that's a pretty **stupid **name to give a place… _Destiny_. So, are they saying we don't have a choice? We have to live on these _Islands_ and die on these _Islands_? Is that it?

And another thing; _Islands._ _Islands_ are secluded and cut off from the rest of the world," Riku would usually scoff at this point, "all in all, the entire name _'Destiny Islands'_ is completely… It's just as cut off and ignorant as the rest of this place."

Riku's answer tended to confuse people. But then, they figured he was just getting hormonal due to puberty. So instead of actually considering his take on their comfortable _Island _life, they'd just pat him on the head and say **the same thing** each and every time…

_"Good for you."_

And of course, those words only furthered in angering Riku. And as he would watch whoever it was walk away with that vile look of _blank_, _ignorant_, _**idiocy**_… He'd glare after them and spin on his heels.

He really hated it there. He hated how obsolete the entire world was as a whole. He hated how ignorant the people were. Didn't they have any _ambition_? Didn't they ever _think_ about what else might be out there? The possibilities? And why, oh why, did they have to be so _**fucking stupid**_?

Was it really too much to ask for one decent conversation?

-**:We are…**

**So far from ****you**-

_Most_ of the time, Riku was able to get over his despise towards the place of his birth. _Most of the time._ He would just breeze through the day, trying not to think about things like how insignificant the things people made big deals out of seemed.

But the fact of the matter was…

He didn't care if Mr. Oribello changed the awning of his grocery store from a blue one with white stripes to a red one with yellow stripes. _(Does the __**fucking color**_really_matter that much_

He didn't care if Aqua and Ven broke up. _(It's a __stupid__ high school romance for God's sake… It's not like __**anything**__ was going to come out of it anyway…)_

He didn't care if Mrs. Fulara had been promoted from Destiny Mart's cashier to "store supervisor". _(Like either job is important…)_

And the more he came to think about it… He didn't really care about _Destiny Islands_ in the slightest. He was tired of the _trivial conversations_. He was sick of the daily activities that made up the _very dull_ and _overall __**pointless**__ routine_ of _Destiny Island_ life. And he was just plain fed up with the fact that, aside from him (and maybe Kairi and Sora at times) no one on the Islands seemed the least bit unsatisfied with their _**meaningless lives**_.

When he turned fifteen, it had gotten to the point where many people viewed Riku as someone abnormal. Whenever he was brought up in conversation, he was easily identified as _that boy. _

_"Oh, how was school today Terra?"_

_"It was fine Dad… But social studies was really annoying…"_

_"Oh? What happened?"  
"You know Riku?"_

_"Oh… That boy."_

_"Yeah. Him. Well, we were studying the geography of the Islands and he-_

_"Let me guess? He started asking the teacher about the rest of the world too?"_

_"Unfortunately. Gods, why can't he just let it go?"_

_"Ah well, he's just difficult. Don't worry about it though, someday he'll wake up and realize that he's just being foolish."_

_"I guess…"_

Not that Riku could blame the Islanders. By the age of thirteen he had begun using condescending tones with them. He tended to give back sarcastic answers, he was… Difficult. Ah yes… And then of course, there was the ever-present question he would always, _always_ ask people. And he'd always use it according to the following:

_"The new awning looks great Mr. Oribello. Much better than the old one." _(Polite, empty, compliments about something so _minor_.)

_"Yeah, this one's way cooler!" _(Enthusiasm about something that will _never make an impact_ on… anything.)

_"Why thank you Sora and Kairi." _(_**Empty, polite responses and thank yous**_.)

_"Why does it matter?" _(A fair question.)

_"I'm sorry Riku, I don't understand your question…" _(_**Ignorance**_.)

_"Why does the color of your awning matter? Who cares if it looks better? In the big scheme of things, is it really going to make a difference?" _(The fact of the matter.)

_"Riku that's rude!" _(_So_ what?)

_"Yes, Riku you're being rather cruel." _(**Big whoop**, have your _precious feelings_ been hurt?)

_"I mean, think about it… If this world were to end tomorrow, would the color of your awning _really_ matter all that much?" _(So true.)

_"Riku just… Let it go…" _(They don't want to deal with it. They don't want to deal with the reality that their lives are _**purposeless**_.)

It's all so empty. It's all so menial. What's the point?

-**:Burning on, just like the match ****you**** try to incinerate…**

**The lives**

**Of everyone ****you**** know:**-

He didn't give people straight answers anymore. He just sort of brushed their questions off. Or sometimes he'd use that twisted tongue of his to make their comments and questions seem _stupid and meaningless_.

Finally after years of struggling with basically **everyone** and making things hard for them, _**the thought**_ entered his brain. And at first it scared and worried him. It made him stop and think to himself.

_"What the hell am I thinking? This has gotten way too out of control… I can't believe I even thought something so… cruel."_

"Hey Riku!"

"Hey Selphie…"

"We're heading over to the beach to celebrate!"  
"Celebrate?"  
"Yeah… Mrs. Stirbu's cat had kittens! They're so cute! C'mon…"

"Whatever."

And as he had followed her to the beach, completely irate with the stupidity of the whole party, _**the thought**_ just seemed to continue echoing through his head. Almost like _**it**_ was foreshadowing what was to come.

_**"It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands was destroyed."**_

-**:And what's the worst ****you**** take?  
From every heart ****you**** break**

**And like a blade ****you**** stain**

**Well ****I've**** been holding on tonight:**-

That's how the real hatred started. Prior to _**that thought**_ Riku's scathing comments and **obvious distaste** for the Islands could've just been written off as… Well the thoughts of a _very_ opinionated teenager.

But that all changed once _**that thought**_ entered his mind.

It seemed the revelation that maybe (in the grand scheme of things) Destiny Islands wasn't necessary had awakened an even more _powerful_ hatred in Riku.

He used to _hate_ the Islands. But now? He **resented** them.

He resented all that they stood for. _Mediocrity_, _ignorance_, _**stupidity**_… Menial things. Stupid things.

And then after that… Well… Anyone on the Islands could tell you what happened next. Next thing anybody knew, Riku had become obsessed.

A goal had become planted into his brain. He was fixated. Fixated on that one thought.

_"I am _**going**_ to get off this Island."_

And that was when the raft came into play. Yes, it seemed in his _desperation_ to escape the **r o u t i n e** that was life on Destiny Islands, Riku was ready to sail away at sea. It didn't even matter to him if Sora and Kairi came along. He'd go without them if he had to.

**Nothing** would _ever_ keep him tied down to _Destiny_.

Nothing.

-**:What's the worst thing ****I**** can say?**

**Things are better if ****I**** say**

**So long and goodnight:**-

And then… It happened. His chance came. Riku could've cried with relief when it happened.

A storm (no, THEE storm) came. It came, and as Riku was leaving to check his precious raft (his own _pathetic_ attempt at **escape**) that voice entered his head. Telling him and reassuring him, that he _**could leave**_ the Islands. That it wasn't impossible. And all he had to do was open a door.

_**If, and only if, he was willing to sacrifice the lives of each and every person on the Island.**_

Well… Talk about your crossroads in life.

And for a moment, Riku hesitated. He stopped and thought about his family, his friends, teachers, and the people who had become parts of his life… And he almost (_almost_) stopped there. He almost told the voice to shut up and **go to hell**.

But then he paused, and considered the number of times those people had told him to _"let it go"_ and **"move on with life"**. And then it dawned on him that if he didn't take this chance now, he would most likely be sucked into life on Destiny Islands.

And in an instant Riku was opening himself up to the voice and allowing himself to be dragged down through a dark portal. Very conscious of the fact that he **wasn't ever planning on coming back** for a visit (not that there would _be_ anything to visit).

-**:So long, not goodnight:**-

It was an exciting feeling. Being on another world. At first it just seemed so surreal. He couldn't believe he was free.

_Free_.

Free from his prison. Free from his **captives**.

Free.

But apparently, like all things, freedom came with a price. Because when Riku woke up with his face pressed up against a hard, cold, **stone surface**, the _first _person he ran into was Maleficent.

Maleficent was very different from any of the people on _Destiny Islands_. She was tall (freakishly so). Her skin was green (she _obviously_ didn't tan). She had horns on her head (that was a new one for Riku). She dressed in a long, black cloak (on _Destiny_ those **dark colors** would lead to heat stroke). And she talked to her pet raven Diablo (people kept fish and exotic birds as pets on the _Islands_).

Overall, she was as different from the _Islanders_ as was possible.

And after a while, she offered Riku something he just _couldn't_ say no to; not after being cooped up for fifteen years on the same _**godforsaken rock**_.

A d v e n t u r e.

-**:Came a time  
When every star fall brought ****you**** to tears again  
We are,  
The very hurt ****you**** sold:**-

That's when the _**real action**_ began for Riku. Suddenly he found himself in the middle of… Something out of a fairytale. And he _loved_ it; oh there was no denying how much he enjoyed **every second of it**.

He positively reveled in the _rush_ of a **battle**; not knowing for sure if you'll come out on top. He loved the way he went back to Hollow Bastion everyday; exhausted from wiping out **Heartless** and anything else that stood in his way.

But then… There was _Sora_, and Kairi. Both of them.

When Riku found out they'd escaped too, he'd been **initially** happy. Ecstatic really. Now he had some _old_friends with him, and together they _**would have**_ gone off and conquered _countless_ quests together… right?

_**Would have.**_

Yes, there _**would have**_ been so many things they'd done together. They could've explored so many worlds. Vanquished so many villains. Saved so many lives…

But then it came along.

It was the thing that _ruined_ **everything**. It came along, inflating Sora's ego as it went. _The Keyblade_.

It just wasn't _right_. It didn't fit into all of Riku's equations. And even if he did somehow make room for it in his plans… It should've gone to him. Riku. He deserved that thing more than Sora. Sora didn't **respect** what a huge, big deal it was.

After all, if Sora was still lazing about on _Destiny Islands_, would he have gotten the Keyblade?

**((No.))**

Well then, how did he get off of _Destiny Islands_?

**((Riku was the one who saved him from that **_**cage**_

So maybe it started off as jealousy on Riku's part. But there are two kinds of jealous. The jealousy that wears off after a while because the person realizes they're being **foolish**. And then there's the jealousy that _takes a hold of people's minds and bodies_; tricking them into believing they have the **right** to be jealous.

And so it was, things unfolded into an entirely unfortunate series _/chain/_ of events _/memories/_.

Riku's _jealousy_ turned into a _hatred_; hatred that he knew all too well. And thus his _hatred_ reverted back into _**that thought**_.

_"It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands were destroyed."_

_**"It wouldn't even matter if Sora was destroyed."**_

And then things just sort of fell apart at Riku's feet. All his plans, hopes, dreams, wishes… Crumbled. Shattered. Gone.

At first he launched a pretty strong attack against Sora. He took the Keyblade for starters. And things _seemed_ to be going smoothly…

But then Sora came **back**. _How the hell did he do that?_

And took the Keyblade. That was when Riku reached the end of his rope. His actions were driven purely by _**desperation**_. It was like being a fish caught on a hook. You knew you were going to eventually be pulled in (cause there's no way in **hell** you're losing the hook), and yet for whatever reason, you'll never stop struggling. Not until the _**very end**_.

And _struggle_ Riku did. He kicked and screamed, denying reality the **joy** of knowing it had succeeded in pounding the one thing in his life he'd wanted _**more than anything else**_ (badly enough to kill for).

Freedom.

-**:And what's the worst ****you**** take?**

**From every heart ****you**** break  
And like a blade ****you**** stain  
Well, I've been holding on tonight:**-

And when Ansem _conquered_ Riku's mind and body and soul, yanking Riku from his own _**flesh**_, Riku's motivation broke. Just snapped in half, right down the middle; nice and clean.

And for the first time in his life, Riku learned _exactly_ what it truly meant to have no freedom.

Living on Destiny Islands was _"lack of freedom"_.

Watching Sora wield his Keyblade like a shiny, new toy was _"abuse of freedom"_.

But not being able to even _control_ your own body? Knowing that some **madman **is using your body to kill your friends and destroy so many lives? Knowing that even if you by some miracle, got your body back, you'd have nowhere to go? Mainly because your friends will **never accept you** now and you've _**destroyed**_ the only place you could ever call home…?

That is what it means to truly, _truly_ have absolutely _**no freedom**_.

And that was when a miracle happened. Because it seemed Sora had managed to kill Ansem, thus scourging Riku's body of the demon. And now Riku was faced with a **choice**. Just a choice. He didn't really have much _freedom_ (for there were only two options). But it _was_ a choice nonetheless.

He could give up and lock himself behind the gateway to Kingdom Hearts; and in doing so give his life to save many others. Or he could jump through the door and try to live his life out.

The problem with the latter was: _What life did he have left to live?_ _Where could he honestly go? Who could he possibly turn to? Sora?_ He had just gotten through attempting to **kill** the boy. _Kairi?_ She would stand by Sora. _Destiny Islands?_ **Impossible**.

And then, nodding grimly to himself, Riku clenched his jaws and prepared to fling all his weight into pulling back the door.

He was ready and _willing_ to _give up_ his **freedom**.

As the door swung behind him, sealing his fate, he turned in time to see Sora. And that was when he felt the biggest shock he'd ever felt in his _life_. Sora seemed upset.

_"Why is he so _upset_? It can't be because I'm getting trapped behind the door… I-… I tried to _**kill**_ him. Why is he…? Is he actually going to _**miss**_ me? Why"_

Yes. Riku realized it just in time. Yes, Sora was going to miss him, Sora had _forgiven_ him. Sora had forgiven him for everything. It was then and there that Riku vowed he would do anything, _**anything**_, if it meant helping Sora and Kairi.

And once again he decided to give up his freedom. Since it was clear he had no right to freedom anymore, he decided: _Fine. I _won't_ be free. I'll just-... From now on I'm going to __**live**_just_ to help Sora and Kairi._

And that was that. He made a pact with himself, left Sora with a few choice words (**Take care of her**.), and went off to face the rest of his life.

-**:What's the worst that ****I**** can say?  
Things are better if ****I**** say  
So long and goodnight  
So long, not goodnight:**-

When Riku entered Castle Oblivion, he perceived the whole thing (_cards_, _villains_, _adventure_) as an **opportunity**. A chance for him to _**earn**_ the right to aid Sora and Kairi. Because honestly, those two deserved someone _better_ than him. Someone worthy.

So he went through the entire basement region of the Castle, _purging_ himself of the things that **haunted** him, _atoning_ for past sins…

And then, when he reached the end of his journey through _**Oblivion**_, he saw Sora. Sora asleep. Sora unconscious. He found out what Sora had _been through_; trauma and **confusion**.

Later on though, he found out that Sora _couldn't_ wake up. That something was **wrong**. And that something was Roxas. So, it seemed it was finally time for him to live out his _promise_. His goal. His **reason**.

He fought Roxas. And nearly lost too. But then it occurred to him that maybe (_just maybe_) he could use his darkness as a **tool**. Sure it would mean giving himself up once again… But it was for _**Sora**_. So it was worth it.

And it worked too. He brought Roxas to DiZ and Namine was a little disappointed in him… But that didn't matter. Sora would be _okay_ now.

When Sora woke up the danger seemed to increase in all the worlds now; the Organization was rising, their **determination** sparked by the events of Castle Oblivion.

Sora and Kairi were now _back in action_, each making their own way to the **end of the road**. The World that Never Was. Riku stood back and watched. He watched them _struggle_, he watched them continue with their journeys. And he helped them too.

Rather, he looked out for them.

Like when Kairi was traveling through a dark portal. **He** opened up the other end for her, **he** made _sure_ that she wasn't jumped by Nobodies or Heartless. And when Sora and the others got sucked into the realm of darkness. **He** gave them the ice cream that got them out. **He** warned _everyone_ about the Heartless in the Land of Dragons.

It was all **him**. So to speak.

Between looking out for the both of them and watching his own ass, Riku was _pulling double duty all around_.

And then it happened. Kairi and Namine were under attack. And as prepared as they were to fight (**and die**), it was obvious they stood _no chance_. The time had finally come for Riku to directly intervene.

It wasn't long after that he met up with Sora and his friends. And then DiZ went out **kamikaze style**, taking Riku's added powers with him. In any case, Riku wouldn't _miss_ them (as helpful as they were), he _liked_ having his body **back**.

Riku first noticed it however, when they were fighting the _last_ battle against Xemnas (just he and Sora). And then it hit him again when they arrived back at the _Islands_. As the time they spent back home _**stretched**_ out, Riku became more and **more** aware of it.

"_It wouldn't even matter if the entire Islands were destroyed."_

_**"It wouldn't even matter if Sora was destroyed."**_

…

Would it matter if I left?

…

_No. Definetly __not_

-**:Well if you carry on this way  
Things are better if ****I**** say  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight:**-

So Riku left. He packed his bags and left. Sora and Kairi didn't need him anymore, they had each other. They would be fine. Perfectly fine.

Without him.

It was the middle of night, he packed light (just some clothes and food). As he was leaving he almost woke up his family, but still, he managed to sneak out in the end. After that it was relatively easy. There was no such thing as "night life" on Destiny Islands, so no one was around to see him quietly sneaking down to the beach.

Once there, he took in his surroundings one last time. For he knew he was never coming back. Despite everything, he still couldn't help but, at the very least, dislike the Islands. Though he had come to appreciate their peaceful nature more so than ever… It still wasn't what he wanted.

He'd been practicing for a long time now, and it seemed he had finally found a way to utilize his darkness without letting it affect him in any negative way. So, it seemed he was, for the first time in his life…

Truly and utterly free.

There was no oppressing Island life-style hanging over him, no manipulative villains trying to take advantage of him, no friends to look after, and no mission from King Mickey to complete.

He smiled to himself, whispered a good bye to Sora and Kairi, and without further ado, stepped into his new life.

-**:Can you hear me?  
Are you near me?  
Can we pretend to leave and then  
we'll meet again:**-**  
**

**Author's Note:** …It's done. Hurrah! Okay, but seriously people, you have no idea what a pain this was to write. I mean it when I say I SLAVED over this story. I think this little one-shot nearly killed me. It just refused point blank to be written.

I swear when I started this (a WEEK ago!) I thought it would just be a short lil one-shot… But now look at it. Ten pages long. Ten fucking hard pages to write long. Grr.

On another note, happy birthday Jediempress! I hope you enjoyed this present! Thanks for being awesome!

**Mr. Harlequin:** Don't worry, your present is on its way (just as soon as I post the next chapter for Macarena). Also, I have the whole plot charted out (it'll be a romantic comedy)… I just want to know… What pairing should I make it? Your options are: Axel/Riku (preferably), Demyx/Riku, and Marluxia/Riku. Personally I think it'd work out better if it were Axel/Riku. But it's your present so choose away. :D

Please review everyone. I'm really unsure about how I feel about this story. On the one hand I love it. On the other, I hate it. Maybe I'm just holding a grudge against it because it was so hard to write…?

In any case, please review and give me input!

bliss

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